The things I should've said
by AnimeLover365
Summary: You look like a goddess that has descended to earth to grace mortals with your beauty. But something tells me that this isn't going to be a joyful conversation...


. :The things I should've said: .

Disclaimer: I can only wish to own this :-(

* * *

><p>"I need to know how you feel about me." your opal eyes filled with pain and something else I couldn't quite make out at the time. We're sitting in the same cafe where we first met. Your long black hair hangs over your shoulder, beautiful hazel eyes are now covered by your fringe. You look like a goddess that has descended to earth to grace mortals with your beauty. But something tells me that this isn't going to be a joyful conversation. You called me earlier that morning and asked to have breakfast with me.<p>

Usually you'd have been in my apartment cooking, wearing that shy smile that made me fall for you. Now, your biting the inside of your lip and sitting perfectly still. You're uncomfortable, I can feel it; and it makes me all the more nervous. I hate that youre the only person that can crack my stoic mask and reveal a scared man. To the world i'm the unattainable guy that all women want. You, the women all men dream of. With a mere glance you can reduce me to a pile of salt, while I kill with words. But like all men, I have my pride and can't allow you to see how much you affect me.

"I shouldn't have to tell you, you should already know by now." my eyes are cold and distant. I refuse to meet your gaze, because I know that if I do, my mask will shatter and I'll be left defenseless.

"Please...just tell me that there's a future with us. Tell me that my being with you hasn't been just a waste of time. I'm not asking for much, only how you feel about me." you reach out and grasp my hand, your hands are like fire while mine are frozen. So I pull back, your gentle fingers burn with such passion that if I were to hold you; I'd melt. 'Why must you have this affect on me.' I look into your eyes, they pierce my body and send my soul ablaze. But they...they're also filled with hurt and I instantly regret my action. I want to reach across this coffee table and kiss your soft supple lips passionately, I want to look into your pained eyes and tell you that I love you so much and how your the woman that I want to marry. But I cannot, for I will not, because that'd mean that I'd have to reveal my emotions. My pride won't let me, and you're suffering because of my stubborn ways.

"I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"This! I can't do this, I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly walking on eggshells and there are no guarantees on if this will last! I just want to know that we have a future."

"..."

"Are you going to say anything?" you grip the edge of the table, scraping away some of the wood. If you would have looked at me, you would have seen that my shield was breaking. "I'm tired, okay? Please stop avoiding the question. Now I sit here, right now telling you that if you can't reassure me that this can work...I...I...I'm leaving and never coming back."

Your words stab my ears and I become irate instantly. I feel betrayed, I feel hurt and I make the mistake of speaking, "If that's how you feel then I think it's best if you get up and never come back. You knew what you were getting into, and if you think I'll change then you must've forgotten who I am." The venom from my lips sinks into your heart, causing your hands grab at your sides as if you'll fall apart at any moment. You've surprised me, I've never heard you try to push anything that I didn't want to talk about, so why now? Can't you tell that if I didn't love you, I'd have let you leave without so much as uttering a word. I'm fighting to make you stay, even though I'm cold and standoff-ish; I'm in love with you. Your eyes are completely hidden behind your bangs, but I can tell that you're silently crying inside.  
>"I remember who you are. I thought maybe I was an exception. That you were the man who I thought you were, but…but I guess…I guess I was wrong." I can only watch as you stand up from the table, you've left me speechless. Your hair cascades over your shoulders as you turn away from me. I'm frozen, I can't move anything. I try to grab your hand, but my body isn't responding. For the first time, in a long time, I'm scared. I don't want you to leave me. My world is meaningless without you. So why…why can't I find the right words to say. 'She's not going to leave you.' I tell my self, 'she's to kind to turn her back to me'. You glance over your shoulder instantly killing my thoughts, "I'll stop by the house for my things. Goodbye."<p>

* * *

><p>I went home that night expecting, hoping that you'd be there. But I was only greeted by silence and an empty closet where your things used to be, only then did I realized that you were telling the truth.I finally understood what was in your eyes as you spoke to me. Love. I was finally able to see that you loved me, you always did. That's why you left. But even though I realized this, it's too late to get you back. I lay in our-my room and come to terms with everything that I've done. I drove you away, because I was scared that I would finally get to be happy and only mess it up. And that's exactly what I did, and that was my biggest mistake.<p>

All I want to do is love you but I'm the only one to blame for this. This house is filled with memories of you, and that only makes it hurt more. Before I met you, I told myself they I was content with loneliness, because love really wasn't worth the risk. I can't exsist without you by my side, I can't eat can't sleep; I can barely breathe without you. So now I'm lying on the floor silently reliving the past. You walked out my life, and you never came back. I blamed the ones I loved for my problems, when you were only trying to help. I close my eyes and imagine your smile, but all I see is you leaving. I'm awakened from my thoughts b the sound of footsteps. You walk into our old room, and begin to cry. I arise from the floor and crawl over to you, you've buried your head in your hands.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry-" the rest of your words are drowned out by your loud sobs.

"It's okay, it was my fault to begin with. I love you and I don't ever want to lose you again." Your still crying, well more like screaming.

"It's alright, I promise I'll never lie to you again-"

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. You needed me and I ignored you, I'm so sorry." I stare at you confused, why are you saying all of this? You lift your head and stare past me,

"I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry. It's all my fault."

"It's okay." you're crying even harder and won't look me in the eyes. I've never seen you like this, I'm petrified. What am I supposed to do?

"I'm so sorry..." your eyes are bloodshot, and the tears won't stop.

"It's okay, I'm the one who is sorry...what are you looking at?" my eyes are drawn towards the ground. Blood. So much blood, but who's, It's slowly traveling towards your feet. I walk over to the corner and I see it. Me. I'm on the ground with slits on my wrists. 'I'm dead?'  
>Near my body, written in blood are the this I should've said: "I'm sorry, I'll always love you."<p> 


End file.
